Two days ago..Thursday, September 15th, I had my last meal. It wasn't an ACTUAL last meal, but it was my last fast food meal. We ate at Hardee's (Which is my favorite). I had the Monster Burger Combo Meal...Large, of course, and I dipped my fries in mayo. It was incredible.
It was also VERY unhealthy. As I slurped down the final drops of what would be my very last soda, I got a bit of a sad feeling. I love food. I love fast food. I love soda. It would all be over soon.
I've had a problem with weight since I was a teenager. I've done it all, the Atkins diet, the expensive gym diet, I tried the weight loss plan where you eat shitty boxed meals 24-7, I tried sweatin' to the oldies, and I even spoke to Richard Simmons PERSONALLY through Email and a Phone conversation.
There were times that I lost weight, sure..but I always got it back, and it always grew and grew. It's like I lost the willpower to continue anything. I never really had a GOOD support system. Sure, people supported it, but nobody kept on me, nobody checked up on a regular basis, nobody kept pushing. It's not that it was really anybody's responsibility to do so, but it would have helped me a lot and got me through a lot of hard times that I turned to food for support.
Food has always been there for me. Every time I got sad, depressed, angry, Food was there for me. No matter what time, no matter where I was..it was there..comforting me..keeping me company. It was my friend.
And now, as I write this, I am 412 lbs.
I'm disgusted and ashamed of how much I weigh. I put on a brave front, I put on a smile. As Freddie Mercury sang, "The Show Must Go On." Even though I feel sometimes like I am dying inside, and physically, my health isn't great..I make it seem like I'm satisfied and I'm not. I need to do something. I REALLY need to do something. I keep getting fatter and fatter and I am afraid for my life. I get short of breath with little to no physical activity, I find it hard to do a lot of things, I have cankles, and the fatter I get, the smaller my dick gets..and I wanna see my dick! I see people bigger than me, and the struggle they have just from walking. On one hand it comforts me to know I'm not THAT big, but then I get stabbed with a sharp feeling of fear that I COULD be that big and I WILL be that big if I don't fix something NOW.
My wife, Danielle, is also big..We want to start a family, and being our size, it is difficult if not impossible. Thursday morning we made a decision to lose weight. No more saying it and not doing it..it HAS to be done.
The WAY I lose weight isn't for sure yet. We're starting with small things. No soda..less salt..and NO fast food.
ONE thing really started working for me, and that was when I was reading and taking the advice of Paul McKenna's book "I Can Make You Thin." But as always, I lose steam, and never finished. I think I'll get back into that. I don't want to be dead by the time I'm 35 or even 40, or sooner. I want to have kids and live to see them grow. I've created this blog as away to "get it all out there" and document my journey from Fat-to not fat.
Anyway..Thank you for reading my blog. I have faith that every one of you will be a support system. I have faith that every one of you won't be afraid to slap me in the face when I start to slip, and I have faith that I CAN beat this. I CAN be healthy and I CAN be fit. It's going to be a bitch..and it will be tough, and hard, and even difficult..but I can and will do this. I have to.
